Sample Band 8.5 Essay
Young people today are under a lot of pressure, which seems to come from many directions. The problems they are experiencing happen not only at school, but also at home, and it seems that without adult guidance, our young generation will continue to struggle.
Teenage years have never been simple, and many would agree that the amount of challenges has only increased with the passage of time. Bullying has been a problem for quite a while, and children and adolescents would have experienced it at school in the past, but then it would stop at home. At present, however, things have been made worse by social media penetrating the supposedly safe space of our teenagers. The unfortunate behaviour of their peers can now reach them even in their bedrooms, causing them constant distress.
Another issue troubling many young people is the pressure to succeed by their families. Whether at school or at home, they often feel as if they are not smart enough, which creates overwhelm and despair. Understandably, their parents are pursuing a worthy goal of ensuring their children get a great start in life; however, many teens feel that they are failing their families when they don't live up to their expectations. This often leads to dishonest and unethical behaviour, such as cheating on tests or plagiarising other students' work. When uncovered, these incidents have a profound effect on young people's future careers, not to mention their emotional well-being.
It is hard to underestimate the importance of parental support to navigating life as a young person. From helping teens build a positive body image and self-esteem, to handling classmates' difficult behaviour, to guidance where study is concerned, parents can make a world of difference. Talking to their sons and daughters about matters that worry them, listening and making non-judgmental suggestions are great ways to help. Getting a professional involved where necessary and engaging with teachers, councilors and coaches is another opportunity for parents to provide assistance. Last but not least, parents can make their children better and happier people by simply giving them unconditional love.
To sum up, being a young person in the modern world isn't easy. By banding together and paying careful attention to their teens, families can help them overcome any obstacles to becoming successful adults.
Teacher's comment: The writer's response fully covers every aspect of the task. Their arguments are strong, comprehensive, and well-supported. The effective use of paraphrasing, referencing, substitution, information sequencing, and paragraphing in this essay contributes to its high level of coherence and cohesion. The writer is able to clearly explain their message because of their extensive vocabulary and careful word selection. This essay has several examples of uncommon lexical items, all appropriately used. The writer has a great control of grammar, they follow the rules of punctuation and use complex sentence structures very well. Overall, this essay is likely to get Band 8 or 8.5 in IELTS.
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