IELTS Band 8.5 Essay, topic: Who should discipline the children, their parents or the government?

On one side of the argument, there are people who hold the opinion that the responsibility of disciplining a child falls squarely on parents

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This is a model Writing Task 2 response for a recent topic from Kenya

Writing Task 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Discipline is a growing problem in modern schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children, while others think it should be the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. Sample Band 8.5 Essay While some people argue that parents should take sole responsibility for disciplining their children, others take the view that the government should be in charge of such matters. In my opinion, the young generation should be primarily guided by their parents where rules of behavior and moral principles are concerned. However, in some instances government intervention is necessary. On one side of the argument, there are people who hold the opinion that the responsibility of disciplining a child falls squarely on parents' shoulders, since they are their first educators, and it is their duty to equip their children with good manners and morals even before their first day at school. In addition, every family has a unique understanding of what a suitable form of discipline entails. Therefore, some parents are concerned that any form of punishment meted out at school might be too harsh. To overcome this issue, they believe that parents should be informed by the school of their child's wrongdoing so that they could decide an appropriate consequence for their behavior at home. Unfortunately, not all parents are objective enough to make the right decisions when it comes to the upbringing of their children. Some may lack information or sound moral background to discipline their children in a meaningful way. Therefore, the state should shoulder some of the responsibility by implementing a strict set of guidelines and policies on how to discipline children at school. I believe that such policies result in children who flourish and are more likely to become productive citizens that actively contribute to a prosperous nation. Also, this would help both parents and teachers understand which punishments are suitable for minor infractions like missing an assignment or major incidents like bullying or skipping school. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that the government must be actively involved in the policies related to discipline at schools as this would ensure the well-being and successful development of the youth. Teacher's comment:  The writer has addressed all parts of the task in their response. The ideas are relevant and clear, sufficiently developed and supported. Substitution and referencing assist the writer in maintaining coherence throughout the essay. The correct use of paragraphing and sequencing of information help the writer to keep their ideas and arguments organised. The range of vocabulary includes uncommon lexical items. The majority of the sentences are error-free, and the writer has used a variety of sentence structures. This essay is likely to get Band 8 - 8.5 in IELTS.

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